How to Enjoy Food and Navigate Diet Talk During the Holidays
For many of us, the holiday season may bring up a mixed bag of emotions: excitement and anxiety. Holiday meals shared with loved ones may even hold strong positive or negative memories around food and our bodies. With the nature of tradition and celebratory foods being present, those that are stuck in the diet culture mentality often make comments that can be hurtful to those of us working on healing our relationship with food and our bodies.
The goal of this post is to empower you to feel equipped to navigate comments and conversations, both with grace towards others and boundaries to protect your own heart, and to keep yourself grounded in the purpose of the season — experiencing the JOY of Christ’s coming with loved ones.
Navigating Conversations about Food, Movement, and Body Size
Being prepared for conversations that may come up is the best way to protect both yourself and your kids (if applicable) from hurtful comments around food and bodies.
Boundaries from diet talk for yourself and your kids
Ordered in the least to most direct communication style (to be utilized based on level of comfort)
Remove yourself from the situation. This one is the easiest and most passive protective boundary you can set for yourself. Unfortunately we can’t unhear things, but we can remove ourselves from continued conversation and exposure.
Change the conversation. Simply rerouting negative conversation, instead of adding to it, is one way to choose not to engage with what was said, and opt to discuss something different.
Engaging in the conversation. This can be letting the other person know that you are working on your relationship with food and your body and that such conversations can be upsetting. You can then politely ask, “Do you mind if we talk about something different?” See more examples below
When someone doesn’t respect the boundary you suggested or their response isn’t what you expected, directly communicate your limit. Here are some examples:
Say, “Hey, as I mentioned this conversation is triggering for me so I’m going to have to step away.”
Say, “Let’s agree to disagree on the way we view food and focus on enjoying this day.”
You can also point out that there are much more important things about you or that you would enjoy talking about, outside of your food and body.
How to gently shut down negative food and body comments
We get to choose to speak life over ourselves and our loved ones. This can be practiced by gently combating negative expressions you hear spoken. Often these are heard, learned and restated and not always believed, but even so they can be harmful. An example of this is “wow, I ate so much today that I won’t be able to eat for a whole week.” Most people would say such a statement, but not follow that. They also likely may not realize that someone that is struggling with their relationship with food and/or has an eating disorder may find statements like these triggering and might even encourage compensatory behaviors (such as restrictive eating, purging, compulsive exercise, etc.).
Depending where you are in your journey, if you feel comfortable responding to a negative comment, keep reading, there are some sample responses in the next section. Thinking about previous experiences and being prepared for future conversations may help you to feel more equipped, confident, and able to gently respond instead of responding out of anger. There have been many situations where I have wished that I could copy and paste what I know and where I am at on my journey of healing and peace to someone else, but it doesn’t work that way. There was a time in my life where I didn’t know what I know now and remembering that helps me to offer grace to those that are at a different point in their journey than I am or you are. Strive to show grace to those that don’t know “better” while practicing boundaries around what is not helpful for you, while also being loving.
“Do the best you can until you know better.
Then, when you know better, do better.”
- Maya Angelou
Remember also that where the enemy may be after you, it’s the attacks of the enemy, not our loved ones that we want to fight.
“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” — Ephesians 6:10
Ultimately the best thing that we can do to support someone is to pray for them and to invite the Holy Spirit to work in their heart and mind. We can continue to be a light and model enjoying meals, living our joy, peace and freedom, while also planting seeds of hope.
Dress yourself in the armor of God. Visualize negative comments deflecting off this armor. Invite the Holy Spirit to strengthen you and to respond in grace and love.
Sample responses to holiday diet-talk:
Comment: “Oh I am so bad for eating all of this!”
Response: “The food that you eat doesn’t make you bad, you’re great & I love you!”
Comment: “This food is going to make me so fat!”
Response: “Neither one day or eating or body size determines your health status, so hope that you are able to focus on enjoying your meal!”
Comment: “I’m eating way too much today!”
Response: “It can be difficult to eat outside of our normal routine, but I’m choosing to be grateful for the food that we get to enjoy today.”
Comment: “Wow, that’s a lot of food on your plate!”
Response: “I am proud of the work that I have been doing to make peace with all foods and that I get to enjoy this meal!”
It is so important to continue to check in with yourself and to take care of your needs first. Again, if you are not in a place to respond calmly and gracefully to a comment that has been made to you, then it may be best to remove yourself from the situation and re-ground yourself.
Ground yourself in the present when your environment feels chaotic.
Take a few deep, renewing breaths to reconnect to your rhythm of grace
“Breathing is one way to calm the physical symptoms of anxiety and restore alignment within the nervous system” - Breath as Prayer
Breathe in deeply and slowly through your nose. Focus on filling your lungs completely, specifically your lower lungs (while keeping your chest still).
Breathe out slowly. Empty your lungs fully.
Repeat a few times as you bring your breathing into a slow and steady rhythm.
Practice 5-4-3-2-1
5: Acknowledge FIVE things you see around you. It could be a pen, a spot on the ceiling, anything in your surroundings.
4: Acknowledge FOUR things you can touch around you. It could be your hair, a pillow, or the ground under your feet.
3: Acknowledge THREE things you hear. This could be any external sound. Focus on things you can hear outside of your body.
2: Acknowledge TWO things you can smell. If you need to take a brief walk to find a scent you could smell soap in your bathroom, or nature outside.
1: Acknowledge ONE thing you can taste. What does the inside of your mouth taste like—gum, coffee, or the sandwich from lunch?
When there are conversations going on around you, kids and pets running around, timers going off for cooking, this can feel like a lot of stimulation and chaos, which can trigger anxiety. This technique is useful for grounding yourself and fighting anxiety and overwhelm.
Get some fresh air
Take the dog out or just step outside for a few moments. Outside in the fresh air is a great place to find a few cleansing deep breaths and moments of stillness.
Move your body
This might look like stepping away to find a couple stretches in the bathroom or a spare room or going for a short walk outside. This is especially helpful if you are like me and hold stress/ tension in your body, even subconsciously, when you are overstimulated. Tune in to what your body needs and get creative in honoring it and knowing that when you return to your company you will be better able to connect and engage with them.
Reframing harmful thinking around food and body
We cannot always be responsible for our first thought, but we are responsible for what we do with that thought. Avoiding your thoughts will not train ourselves to produce new ones, rather we benefit when we face and reframe negative thoughts that arise.
Take time to process what you experience this holiday season. This may look like talking to a trusted friend or therapist, journaling, and/or praying.
Know that your body will adapt for a celebratory day of eating. Your body does not need you to restrict or compensate, but rather to continue providing regular, balanced meals and snacks, honoring your hunger and fullness (or your meal plan if currently recovering from an eating disorder).
If you need a helpful resource for grounding yourself in Christ and bringing all your food and body emotions to the Lord in prayer, make sure to check out our Body Blessings Prayer Journal!
By enjoying all foods without guilt, shame or negative comments we get to be an example of the radical JOY that is possible in the area of food and body with the light of Christ. But remember, it’s ok if you’re still growing on your journey, we all are!
Remembering the purpose of the holiday season
Focus on connection and gratitude for the food your loved ones have prepared
One day of eating is never going to make or break our health, but also food is designed to be more than just food (or we would all just live off protein powder smoothies).
Remember this equation:
Energy + Satisfaction = Enjoyable Fullness
Satisfaction involves enjoying the flavor and experience of eating. God designed us with taste buds and modeled connection and fellowship through food. Christ showed gratitude for the food others prepared for him, he didn’t check the nutrition label or question the quality of the ingredients. He just enJOYed!
This holiday season, we’re praying that you too will be able to enjoy your loved ones and the meals that you get to share together, being fully satisfied in Christ in every way.
If you need additional support breaking free from diets and a shame based mentality for food, movement and body, we’d love to help! Join our Joyful Health Course for video teachings, live group coaching, tailored journal prompts and a community of believers of like-minded believers.
Until next time, may you rest in God’s grace and follow the joy!
